i just don’t know

i am perhaps in danger of holding agnosticism as fiercely and with the same tenacious commitment that would not let me let go of faith when it had had its time. and i wonder again whether it matters [this belief or its absence], and what it is in me that simply can’t decide.

when it isn’t a crisis

It’s been a while! Much happening in non-public spaces… but this one’s for Amy, and for Jill, and for Sarah, and for David, who all said in the last couple of weeks, ‘will you update the fricking blog already’… What if it isn’t a faith crisis. What if leaving it all behind holds nothing of…

in spite of us

Things that make me want to have faith: the idea that a resurrected life isn’t blemish free: it bears witness to the world’s wounds. This is for the prison this afternoon. In spite of our doubts, may we recognise you in our midst: wounded, bloody, and resurrected in spite of our doubts, may we know…

god save me

[probably unfinished, so I’ll probably regret posting it. whatever.] I would rather it otherwise, God, but I don’t think you deliberately chose the cross. I think you simply chose love at every available moment even though it led inevitably to death. I would rather it otherwise, because it means faith is me making the choice…

imagine this

imagine if, every time someone mentioned your name, another person mentioned, as a permanent footnote, the worst thing you have ever done: Cheryl Lawrie*. Imagine if, every time you were introduced at a party, you could see people scrolling through their memories, until they are able to pull out the scrap of information about you…

enough.

Lurching from one disappointment to the next crisis with detours via expectation, deadline and complication I am grateful for my newfound skill to say ‘enough’ to the worry when I cannot say ‘enough’ to the load. And to stay sane I have discarded all platitudes and pinterest admonitions to take each day as a glorious…

rightness

if I’m honest and for this minute I can be it’s all about power the power I have to prove my rightness is the same power I have to let it go. so I do.