a pre-magnificat

Morning sickness

Nothing is impossible for God
so please, today, let it be over.

What miracle is it to be this sick and tired?
What kind of blessing surrounds me with rumours and ridicule?
What sort of love is forced upon me where Joseph can leave,
and I can’t?

The news of pregnancy
strips my life of all other promise.
From now on I will be known only
as the one who had a baby.

And as my mind says no, my body says yes,
betraying me with every cell living
just to give life to this child.
My body, taking a shape around me
that’s strange and unfamiliar,
no longer just me in my skin.

I didn’t ask for this.

I didn’t choose to be chosen.

And now I have to learn how to live with it.

So we’ll see if nothing is impossible for God.
 

2 Comments

  1. craig mitchell

    having seen the early verson, this is certainly easier to take in. (I’m souninding like a critic here.) I really respond to the idea of exploring Mary’s discomfort and hence enlarging the sense of her faith in the face of physical, personal, relational, even political disturbance.

    mmm… maybe the last two lines could have left it more open. almost as if, will the baby be born? do I really want it?

    you had more of that earlier. that’s a really interesting idea that links to you other post. who were the other Mary’s? could Jesus have been an abortion? who would ‘mary’ be in either instance?

    isn’t it weird how human all of these issues are yet the very “Jesus-ness” of them somehow stops people even opening them up.

    of course, you raise a whole lot of questions about annunciation and conception as well, but then, that’s not surprising.

    thanks

  2. Cheryl

    I should always get you to reflect on stuff I write. I realise things I didnt know I meant.

    did i have an earlier version?? I only have this one… and no memory of an earlier one…
    do you have a copy?
    can you send it to me?

    When I wrote it, it was really about having morning sickness. It was only after I read it back to myself that i realised the ‘letting it be over’ was really about wanting a miscarriage or abortion. Truly.

    I always read the last two lines much more cynically and black-ly than probably anyone else does. That’s the trouble with what I write. i always assume a cynical expression…

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