there’s conversations all over the shop about women in the emerging church. this isn’t a blog about that… It’s more an idea, arising from thinking about comments that Kester Brewin made on his blog about positive discrimination in the emerging church: “I’m more convinced now about the problem of form. Conferences, blogs, sermons… I’m worried that they are somehow forms that appeal to the male psyche…”
i don’t think this was the intent of Kester’s comment, but I’ve been thinking about how recently i’ve had to make deliberate choices to stay in multimedia and alternative worship conversations. I don’t feel like i know enough to be part of them. I can meander my way through conversations about ecclesiology, theology, culture and context… but i come completely undone when there are conversations about multimedia and the internet. Whether i like it or not, alternative worship and emerging church stuff is so interwined with multimedia and the internet (although, of course, not defined by it…!), but it takes so much energy for me, and there’s so much i don’t know about this, that i’m only hanging on by the skin of my fingernails.
I rely on a stack of people to get me through my multimedia week. they’re all wonderful, and remarkably patient and generous (… and they’re all male!). I know enough to be dangerous, and not enough to be helpful. When I have an idea, i rely on other people to tell me how to do it… and before they do that, i rely on them to tell me whether it’s possible.
i don’t do that in any other part of my life.
it’s incredibly disempowering.
it’s also not the way my mind works. At the moment, when I ask questions about multimedia stuff, I get an answer (and again, let me thank those people who give me answers!). Half the time i know i’m not even asking the right question, but i don’t know what the right question is. In terms of long term learning, I don’t want an answer, i need to know the process, options and variables that led to that answer, because then i begin to understand more, and I can make some assessment as to whether those processes and variables are things that i can change. That’s how i work in every other part of my life.
I’ve been wondering how to change this. I’ve been talking with Rohan in the Synod IT department here about hosting a catchup workshop for people who realise that they’ve missed out on a stack of knowledge (what have i been doing for the last 10 years?), and now feel so far behind that they’ll never catch up.