fleeced

Sarah Kivell, who blogs at every little wonder, turned a piece of liturgy i wrote for the prison a couple of years ago into a song. You can listen to it here. I think it’s really lovely…

This may sound weird, but I want to write it anyway.

My friend Elizabeth is a ‘send your question into the universe’ kind of person. I’m way too cynical to go for that myself, but i was on a long road trip this easter [one of those where the GPS says ‘left turn 500 km ahead’], and in the silence of the car i was weighing up a big decision i need to make. It’s not an easy decision [perhaps because every possible option is good!], but i decided to channel Elizabeth, wind down the window and send my question into the universe.

Because i believe in making things as hard as possible for the universe, i threw out a bit of a fleece. I said that if i were to make one of the harder choices out of all of those available to me, then I would need to know that the status quo wasn’t ok; that i had to make the hard choice, and that people would be both watching my back and pushing me forwards. I was pretty particular about what proof I needed of that. It was a long drive. I had time to be pedantic.

The universe didn’t answer. At least not in that way. Instead, over easter, every time I checked my email [three or four times a day] there would be at least one, often two, emails from people I’d never heard of, thanking me for stuff on this website, telling me a tiny bit of their own story, showing me things they’d made themselves, offering hope and love and grace and solidarity from afar. And that was without me having offered anything this easter at all. I honestly thought i would have slipped off the world’s radar this year [and there was something lovely about that!].

I still don’t know the answer to my question. I doubt the universe does either. In a sense, for the moment, it’s completely irrelevant. But I have been reminded that sometimes it’s ok just to stay with what is, to not make everything hard, and to rest on what’s been before. And I did just want to say how incredibly grateful I am to those of you who read this website, who make what I do a privilege, and who over this weekend have laid on the grace thicker than any easter sunday service ever could.

sometimes you can’t help but listen. so thanks.