this was from the Valentines Day space we never did. I remembered it today as I found wedding dresses while going through my storage cupboard… ‘an op-shop of wedding dresses’ [the collective noun for the ghosts of dreams failed] raw silk hand-sewn with promises and embroidered with unrealistic expectations vows that came dressed in virginal…
blessed be the perplexed and the confused for theirs will be the kingdom of holy insecurity… i search the scriptures for the stories that tell like mine: for those who were found and now are lost; who could see and now are blind but the words and stories that have been my staff and strength…
i am a flimsy web of uncertainty i said, quoting the poem, relishing the ease with which the words rolled around my tongue and fell on your ears until i watched doubt enter your faith for the first time. i am so sorry. it’s all too easy to deny the power i have to crush…
Embarrassed by fickleness.
cliches come too easily. sorry.
The guilt creeps back. I’m relieved.
Looking for diversion but finding only life.
breaking into tiny pieces faith takes its toll
I know how it feels, he said. He doesn’t.
today may i remember first the sadness hidden inside us all