I wrote this for our Fringe Festival show, The truth and other tiny stories, but we’re not going to use it.

I always wanted to believe in God.
so i did what you’re meant to do:

sang the hymns
prayed the prayers

wished for a little more proof
while pretending a whole stack of certainty.

I even convinced myself
for quite a while.

I don’t remember when it stopped working
but it must have
because somehow now
that life of faith seems like the lover
whose long ago presence
bewilders me…

But i grieve now
in the space that faith would fill
wishing i could trust the things that
would make this world
and our lives
OK.

But i want to say this is faith too
for those who can’t believe:
the grief
the longing
the fear

all wrapped with the hopeless truth
that we simply don’t have what it takes.